No, this is not a sequel to The Human Centipede. No, this is not a commercial for your crappy local carpet store. Yes, this is about a man who rolls himself up in swaths of pashmina rug and relishes in the pain and pleasure of people -preferably women – preferably beautiful women- preferably beautiful women in stilettos- stepping and dancing all over his body(crotch included.) However, one particular afternoon it was me who rode on this magic carpet ride. It isn’t what Aladdin imagined,but it definitely was a whole new world.
I was skeptical in the existence of the human carpet until a graying , sturdy-framed man carrying a section of rectangular fabric met me in Union Square Park. Encounters with strange people have blessed me since childhood, so rather than being surprised, I was excited. “Hi, nice to meet you. I’m Georgio”, he said in a thick but pleasant accent. Part of the reason the 50-something-year-old Maltese immigrant agreed to meet,was the stark contrast from his normal gigs at a speakeasy, rave or fetish club. Different from the bright, disinfecting summer sun shining down on us that day. In fact, during the day Georgio is a different man altogether; a practicing massage therapist in Connecticut. Quite the double life. I’m not sure if either profession appears on his LinkedIn page or Tinder profile, but I live for this shit regardless.
Georgio, who chooses to remain anonymous, first discovered his propensity to ” trampling” and “crushing” when his pet cats walked across his body as a child. Throughout his teen and early adult years he had friends step on him at parties and gatherings. After gaining a reputation for these performances, Georgio was approached by an acquaintance to appear as his developing alter ego for a public event. It was a success, and shortly there after he began promoting himself and the human carpet moniker was born. He’s currently raking in $200 plus tips per event 1 to 3 times per week. #lifegoals #WtfAmIdoingWrongWithMyLife. Even Lady Gaga has pressed her Alexander McQueen armadillo boots into Georgio’s nylon fibers.
Guiding us to a shady area of the park I had scouted, Georgio began preparing himself and the space how he would for any regular gig. To slip into anonymity he intentionally propped a pinstriped black bucket hat forward enough to veil his eyes. He then pulled two signs out of his pocket that read “Georgio The Human Carpet” & ” Please step on Mr. Carpet” and placed them on the stone wall behind him. The last step had Georgio laying on the ground and draping a bulky, weathered, patterned carpet completely around his body.
The time had come for me to see what The Human Carpet was all about. I was hesitant to take my first step, but Georgio reassured me in the 20+ years he’d been doing this he has never suffered an injury. With both feet on, I took baby steps from his chest to his ankles to get acclimated with the instability. His stomach and chest felt like a Tempurpedic mattress- soft, supportive, and absorbing the shock of of a jump. I was tempted to balance a wine glass like they do in the commercials, but I drank it instead. It narrowed towards his legs and ankles, and it was much more difficult to maintain my balance.
With the general public at my disposal, I wanted to see what passerby’s thought of The Human Carpet and whether they’d be adventurous enough to step on him. I attempted to set the mood with Robin S.’ club banger ” Show Me Love” and some rap but a large majority of people gawked with confusion and curiosity . One group of guys egged each other to step on, but never ended up doing it. A few brave souls through caution into the wind. “Fuck it”, they said. “You’re in New York, you HAVE to”, one woman quipped while striking an over the shoulder power pose. A large group of friends celebrating New York City Pride wandered on by and I was able to convince all 7 of them to board Georgio at once. This was just five people shy of his record of 12 people on him at one time.
While I loved The Human Carpet, the ladies in Georgio’s life have been less than thrilled. Shortly upon revealing his night-time alias to them , it fizzles into an ultimatum between the relationship or the carpet… and the carpet always wins. Georgio is having fun and has no plans of slowing down in the near future.
So would you dance on The Human Carpet?
I’d like to try, as he says it never hurt him. But some people must have been standing on hist crotch, even you Diego. Do you think about it when you stand on him? Do you feel it?
Judgement-free zone here! If you want to try, I say go for it. As a man, I was definitely concerned and aware of the pain stepping on someone’s crotch can cause. The thought was there, but reassured he didn’t feel pain I didn’t think about it.
My first reaction was ” yeajh, cool! I’d do it. Ut then I started thinking…does he get turned on? What if i’d crush his balls accidently and he cries out? Would I feel guilty just standing on him? But then again, i’d do it. Just fot fun.
I’d love to put on some cow boy boots with heels and trample him harshly and constantly for several hours and use him as a human trampoline. I would not care if I hurt him or killed him. I’d enjoy either.
Where are you? I like your idea of fun Texas?
I woulden’t I’d love to walk all over him! lol.
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